This is back in the day when we only had landlines. My father was a General Manager of this large pharmaceutical company. He used to keep so busy that I rarely saw him much on weekdays. However, almost every day after school, I’d dial the landline number of his office (I didn’t know the extension). The receptionist, polite but professionally puzzled, would ask, “Whom would you like to speak to?” And I, equally puzzled by the question, would reply confidently: “My Baba, of course.” There’d be a pause. “And who would that be?” she’d ask. I’d announce his full name like it was common knowledge and wait to be connected.
What followed was never more than five minutes. I’d report that lunch was a disaster, or that my best friend and I were no longer on speaking terms. Nothing urgent. Nothing strategic. But everything important.
My father missed many school events, a few family holidays, and most weeknight dinners. But he never missed those calls. And because of that, I never really missed him.
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There’s a strange moment that catches many leaders off guard. It happens when you’re halfway through reviewing a strategy deck and a tiny sock shows up between the couch cushions. Or when you cancel a dinner at home (again) for a ‘quick’ check-in call that runs long. It’s the creeping feeling that in building one kind of legacy, you might be quietly neglecting another.
For many senior leaders, this is the invisible tension that doesn’t show up in 360 reviews: the emotional tax of ambition colliding with the intimacy of home, or your idea of it.
We are, after all, trying to do two intensely demanding things at once: steer organisations through volatile landscapes and raise children, support partners, care for parents, and nurture chosen families. The years when your leadership influence deepens are often the very same years your toddler wants you home before bedtime, your teenager needs your steady presence, or your partner is quietly holding the emotional load.
And while there’s joy in both roles, the dissonance can be real. In many a 80s-90’s comedy show, scripts would be this interwoven joke around how fathers (in reality, all working parents) watched their children grow in length and not height, because they left home whilst they were sleeping and came back, when they had already gone to bed. While this got a few uncomfortable laughs, the discomfort was palpable. Then and now.
Ambition Has a Shadow
Leadership, especially at the top, rewards singular focus. The unflinching, always-on, boundaryless kind of presence. But family, whatever shape it takes, asks for something else: softness, attention, time that doesn’t check the clock.
The problem isn’t that these are in opposition. It’s that we’ve built systems where they’re rarely allowed to co-exist. In fact, according to a LinkedIn Executive Confidence Survey, nearly half (49%) of C-suite executives report struggling with work-life balance, highlighting the personal costs associated with leadership roles.
The Emotional Math No One Talks About
It’s not just about time. It’s about identity conflict. The feeling of being a bold, visionary decision-maker at 11am and an absent or distracted parent/partner/caregiver by 9 pm. The gnawing guilt of being fully present in one role while knowing you’re needed in another. The unspoken envy of those who seem to ‘balance it all’ and the shame in wondering why you can’t.
These are not issues a better calendar app can solve.
So What Can Leaders Actually Do?
This isn’t about waiting for HR to fix it. It’s about leaders claiming the space to live and lead well, and modelling that for others as well.
- Name the dilemma. Talk about the tension out loud. Normalize the fact that you, too, miss school plays, feel torn, and are still figuring it out. When leaders openly share their vulnerabilities, it builds trust in the larger team.
- Design your boundaries like you would a business strategy. Intentionally. Revisit them often. Protect them fiercely. In a recent interview with Jennifer Garvey Berger, I heard her say something that really stayed with me. She spoke about something she practices herself. On the offchance that any of her colleagues schedule a meeting that is at a very odd hour, given that she heads a global organisation, she politely excuses herself, not only does it carve out more well-being time for her, but also models boundaries for her team.
- Schedule presence, not just productivity. Whether it’s Sunday breakfast, Thursday school pickups, or a 20-minute phone call with a faraway sibling, be there like it’s a board meeting. And this can be a you-alone ritual too. I once worked with a CEO who had a half-hour power nap scheduled into his calendar post lunch. Not only was this ritual sacred to him, but he encouraged the entire team to take up this practice if we wanted to.
- Redefine success for your teams and yourself. Don’t just reward grind. Celebrate boundaries, celebrate rest. You can’t build resilient companies on exhausted people, and especially an exhaustive self.
It might feel different now, but ten years from now, it won’t be the bonus or the IPO that flashes first in your memory. It’ll be that moment your child reaches for your hand. Or your partner’s quiet “thanks for making it.” Or the walk you didn’t reschedule. The truth is: we do spend 8+ hours a day at work. But let’s not let those hours be the ones that define our whole lives. Leadership is not about choosing ambition over intimacy. It’s about learning to lead so you don’t have to choose.
